Courage

...to change the things we can...

Courage isn't the lack of fear, but the determination to go through it. Who said that before me? What a genius.

All I know is, when I finally stood up to my arch nemesis, I was nervous as shit, but determined to change the intolerable situation. A friend from the twelve-step programs once told me, "You can't change another person, but you can change how they treat you by how you react and by letting them know what kind of behaviors are unacceptable." I don't know if she was that eloquent, but you get my drift. I can set boundaries and insist they be respected. Not for the squeamish.

Defending my territory from constant onslaught was tiring, so I decided to use the same tactics as my enemy. I innocently asked if I could do to her what she was doing to me and when she got appalled, I was like, but you're doing it... My heart was beating like a drum when I called her on her shit and, throughout the text battle, I thought I might pass out, but I had back-up, my daughter, whom my foe had begun attacking, also, and my arsenal of relaxation skills, and breathed my way to victory. Well, she's not bothered me or my children, since, so, so far so good.

And, can you believe I felt guilty? Don't worry, I got over it. But, all these feelings! fear, guilt, anger, shame, pride, joy, elation. They can keep us from doing a lot of things that we don't know are easy to do, until we do them. Like writing a blog, or asking that hot chick for a date, or quitting smoking. You name it. I just wonder how much different my life would be if I wasn't as afraid. So, I guess the thing to change is my outlook. Instead of thinking there are things to fear, I could exult that there are things to learn!

One thing, I have the courage to change my perspective. There are so many things happening around me which I can't control, change or even understand, sometimes, but I can always change me. or maybe it's, I can only change me. but I can. That's good to know.


Yours,


D


P.S. Hey, if the cowardly lion can get a medal, you can, too!