Let me count the ways..., but seriously. I have asked myself that question. Do I give in to my desires and eat the last piece of cake, or withhold the pleasure and save it for tomorrow? Is it more loving to indulge or deny myself? There could be more cake tomorrow, or there could be no tomorrow at all, and I sure would've wished I'd eaten it. The point is, I've recently decided to go easy on myself, no matter what decision I make.
For instance, the other day, I was suddenly faced with whether to go back to kinko's for the card with the $8.92 on it, or get to my rehearsal on time. I chose to abandon the cash, and while I was still a minute late for practice, I made it before the music began, and felt it was worth the few bucks I'd sacrificed to save my stellar reputation as "Mr. Punctual." I am getting more consistent at not beating myself up for not having made the "right decision" every time, and also realizing that no matter what decision I make, it was a good decision, because I'll always be able to learn something. And I did learn that I'd rather be on time for a new group than have $9 in my pocket.... OK.
And that's the thing. I've realized I can treat myself with understanding and kindness and respect, even when, perhaps, later, I wish I had done the other thing... which frees me to ponder all my possibilities and not fear or disdain any outcome. I do love to ponder possibilites...
Yours,
D
P.S. There are, of course, infinite ways to love yourself, this is just one example. Right now, I'm gonna love myself with an oatmeal cookie (chocolate and butterscotch chip, no less) in case the world dissolves tomorrow in a giant glass of milk.
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I like to live by the 80/20 rule. If I do the right thing 80% of the time, I spot myself the 20% of the time when I blow it. And it's a sliding scale, so sometimes I go 70/30 or even 10/90. :) Good entry my friend. Hope the cake was yummy.
ReplyDeleteAre you new to blogging? I love blogging. I've been blogging for 3 years and I love looking back to all that has changed in my life during that time. I'm not brave enough at times to write what I'm really feeling. When I do there is just always one person that has to attack me badly. They always keep themselves anonymous too. Scaredy cats.
ReplyDeleteT, the imaginary cake is always yummy, the "real" cookies are delicious (i tweak the recipe), thank you.
ReplyDeleteV, the mean ones are always anonymous, to mask their guilt. but they know who they are.