Simple Things

The holiest of all holy sisters a person could have once told me that the way you spot a christian is to look at their "fruit". Not their melons or apples, folks, please. This is serious irony, here. She was talking about people they'd brought into the church as functioning members. I guess they had to be tithing and preaching and having little fruits like themselves, to count. Now, if you caught holy sister on a good day, she would be telling you this as if you were only mildly mentally challenged, no offense to anyone with any different ability than I, but it's no exaggeration. On a bad day...

I guess my point is, she wasted no time on such niceties as common courtesy or respect for other people's opinions or feelings. (Well, she does treat her pastor nicely, always. Hmm. I wonder if there's a reason for that.) I tried to explain to her, once, that it was not her religion that bothered me, but her manner of delivery. Officious and imperious best describe her modus operandi.

There's a well-known passage in the book they like to quote that says the fruit of the spirit (with which they claim to be filled) is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Why isn't this being taught from the pulpit? Maybe cuz no one taught them.

So, I guess we have to do it. I taught myself how to grow love, joy, and peace. I'm learning patience. I can be kind, good, faithful, gentle and have learned to control myself, more than ever. Whoop-di-fricki-do fer me. But what's good for me is good for you. Well, I think I'm more pleasant to be around than when I was all uptight and angry about those sinners in and out of the church who could transgress with impunity while I was stuck "living the good life."

And I'd still be angry, too, if I thought I had to go to a particular church to be "saved". Fortunately for us, I did get saved, I got saved from religion. I got saved from thinking I needed to be saved.

Now, I can see the love, joy, peace, patience, etc. that is in me, and even show it to the people who don't care to show it to me. Yeah, it's that good and that simple.

I read an anecdote about Bill Murray, and apparently the guy's a real asshole. As the story goes, someone ventured to tell him he'd get more flies with honey, to which Bill replied, and I paraphrase, "What do I want with flies?"

Now, I like Bill as an actor, but I picked up on the asshole bit, too, so I don't know if I'd invite him over when Ma was in town for the holidays, or anyone else I like. But if I was Bill's good friend and he came to me drunk one Saturday morning, slobbering and seeping snot from his recent sob-session, and asked, "D, why doesn't anyone like me?" I'd tell him, "Bill, flies are people, and this is a bad analogy, cuz you need people and who likes being compared to a fly?" (It made more sense in my head, but you get my drift.) We need other people, so we're nice to them.

Isn't it simple irony that they preach the good news of jesus and his salvation with a sharp tongue and a machine gun? Wait there's more. Cuz they're afraid to die. It get's better. And they're not afraid to send their enemies to Hell. Well, Hosanna in the Highest.


Someone tell Alanis Morisette that that is ironic, my friend.



Yours,

D



P.S. No, it's funny, not sad, cuz it's all a game, anyway, and we'll all be lauging in the end, cuz we all win.